Ukrainian Wedding

Alina’s Wedding

On October 6th I was lucky enough to go to a Ukrainian Wedding. It was my host sister Alina’s wedding. She is marrying her boyfriend of 2 years Sergi and I was privileged enough to be invited. I arrived at the Alina’s house around 10 am to a great bustle of activity. Alina’s apartment is very small. She and her fiancé share one room, her grand mother has the other and her mother sleeps in the living room every night. The only other rooms are a tiny kitchen and bathroom. The one main room in the house was set up with tables that had been borrowed from neighbors and Alina’s mom, grandma, aunt, friend, godfather, and soon to be father and mother in law were busy with last minute preparations like creating enormous amounts of food and primping to get ready for the ceremony. Alina was sitting on a stool staying well clear of the food in her white wedding dress. She looked so young and so excited. She is only 17 years old and I have a hard time wrapping myself around the idea that she is the bride that day. I am 25 and have finally come to the realization that I have no idea what I want from life and here is Alina, 7 years my junior, and getting married. She looks amazing. I spend the next hour trying to understand questions asked by Alina’s friend and her Godfather. In Ukraine, the role of godfather and godmother is often given a lot of weight. Alina referred to him as her second father and it was very important that he be there.
There was a knock on the door. It was the hopeful groom with two of his best men. None of them are over 20. The groom, Sergi, is 20 himself. Alina’s mother and all of the other women in the house met him at the door and proceeded to ask him questions from a script that they had written out. I don’t know what they are asking but I get the distinct impression that Sergi needs to answer these questions right or he won’t be let in and he will suddenly find himself single. I think this is a standard tradition because he came armed with flowers and chocolate to give to Alina’s mother until she relented, satisfied, and let him in. There is a bustle of last minute preparation and red sashes are affixed across the chests of certain family members. Each sash has something written on it but I didn’t have my dictionary so I don’t know what it said. Both Alina and Sergi have a friend, similar to a brides maid and grooms men, that have sashes. Besides them, I am the only person there that is not family.
All of the neighbors that live in that apartment complex have turned out to see the happy couple head to the wedding. As they exit the apartment Alina’s mother throws coins, grain, and candy over them and the borrowed cars. Money for wealth and prosperity, candy for a sweet life, and grain to represent bread and plenty. We cram way more people then is safe in the four cars we have and head off to the Administration building where the wedding will take place.
When we arrive, Alina’s mother disappears with a box of things needed inside for the wedding (they have to provide everything). A few minutes later, a dignified administrator comes out carrying a large decorated round loaf of bread on a traditional Ukrainian towel. This bread is called Karavie ( I haven’t a clue how that is spelled in Ukrainain) they have special ones for weddings. The loaf has lighter dough designs on the top that create wheat stalks, entwined rings, and doves. It is gorgeous and something I could never hope to make in my lifetime. I can’t even guess how long it took to create. The Administrator greets the expectant couple with the bread and salt. It is a tradition in Ukraine to greet guests with bread and salt. We ender the building to, I am surprised to hear, the familiar strains of “here comes the bride”.
Now here I have to make a disclaimer. This wedding was done in a foreign language. I really don’t know exactly was going on so my observations and assumptions may not be correct. This is just what I observed so my apologies for any inaccuracies. The couple stood in front of the administrator and she spoke at length about…something, I don’t know what. Then a nicly embroidered traditional Ukrainian towel ( a different on from the bread one) was laid on the ground by the groomsmen. The couple stepped onto it and said their vows. I know it was the vows because they each answered with a firm “da”. There is a superstition in Ukraine that whoever steps onto the towel first will be the leader in the marriage but to me it looked like they stepped on it at the same time. Alina probably would have killed Sergy if he had stepped first. Then the rings were exchanges. Next the happy couple signed the marriage certificate a the groomsmen and bridesmaid signed as well. Then Alina and Sergy drank from matching goblets and both ate a piece of chocolate. I am assuming that is to represent a sweet life again but I am just guessing. Next, the highlight of the ceremony. Alina and Sergy walked up to their parents and bowed deeply three times. This seemed to be the emotional highpoint of the day and all of the parents were tearing up. I will have to admit that I got a little goobery myself but If pressed I will deny everything. Then flower petals were thrown and Sergy carried Alina out of the Administration building. It is probably safer that he did that then try and carry her into her house since the entryway is so small they would either come toppeling down the stairs or Sergy would knock Alina silly in the narrow hall.
Then we piled into the cars again and headed to Kharkiv for pictures. There is a fountain in Kharkiv that is known as a good place for lovers and everybody and their brother has their wedding picture taken there. When we arrived there was a line of brides waiting their turn. I counted 15 other brides that day and some of the dresses I saw took my breath away of just made my jaw drop. If you are a guy and you are reading this you might want to skip the next few paragraphs because I am going to talk about wedding dresses and I wouldn’t want the men to go comatose and smack their heads against their keyboards.
In Ukraine fashion is a little different then in the U.S. Hoop skirts are in. One bride had a dress so wide the groom had trouble getting close enough to her for the photographs. Not an auspicious start if you ask me. Another brides dress had a see through top that had a v-neck down to her waist. When she walked you could see her lace skirt was slit up to her hip and she had on white stiletto knee high boots. All I could think when I saw here was, “you’re a married woman now, time to close up shop”. I know, that’s horrible but I couldn’t help it. There was a bride that had a dress made entirely out of feathers whose puffiness couldn’t quite cover up that fact that she must have been 8 months pregnant. I looked about for the shotgun but it must have been well hidden. There were brides in Satin dresses, lace dresses, and one dress with ostentatious fur trim complete with the poor little animals’ tails. Yuck! That’s like wearing my guinea pig to my wedding. The best dress I saw had a Neferttiti like top with beading and a hoop skirt that had layers of cloth that were cleverly arranged to make large roses over the entire skirt. It is hard to describe but when I am ready to get married I will try harder with the unfortunate dress maker I choose. We wandered around the park in the freezing cold for over an hour getting lots of off the cuff pictures. When your photographer is the 19 year old best man what do you expect? Then we piled back into the car to hit another monument and finally headed back to the village getting very lost on the way.
We returned to Alina’s house around 3 pm and commenced to eat. It there is one thing the Ukrainians do very well it is feed guests. We ate, sat and talked for awhile, then ate again, then presented gifts, then ate again. There were lots of dishes that had herring in them so I was able to curb my appetite a little. I only ate enough to feed a small country, it could have been much worse.
At this particular wedding, each person got up to say their wishes for the happy couple and then present their gift. I copped out and spoke in English. I had been trying to understand increasingly drunk Ukrainian for the better part of 9 hours at that point and I wasn’t up to the challenge of creating an impromptu speech in Ukrainian. I can ask for milk but not wish someone a happy and prosperous life yet. One of Alina’s gifts was a photo album from her mother for the wedding and for some strange reason all of the headings were in Spanish. I helped the best I could, I don’t know Spanish but I know English and it is closer to Spanish then Ukrainian, so I was a better guesser. I hope I guessed right but even if I didn’t they will probably never know.
After a long and heated (but friendly) discussion with Sergy’s father I decided it was time to leave. He wanted to know why I wasn’t married. I explained that I am in Ukraine and my boyfriend is in America. He drank some vodka, then asked why I didn’t have a boyfriend in Ukraine. I explained that I already had one in America and they take lots of time so I didn’t want to double up. No one ever believes me when I say I adore my boyfriend so I don’t want another one. They just ask “ then why did you leave America” and I can’t even begin to explain that. He drank some more vodka, then asked why I didn’t have kids. I explained that, again, my boyfriend is in America and I am several thousand miles away, kids would be tough. Then I made the mistake of saying.I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids. That was really bad idea. Bad Shannon! Always tell your well meaning Ukrainian friends that you want kids. Heck, tell them you are going to breed like a rabbit, it will make them happy. Sergy’s dad drank more vodka and then came back with a proposition that I should get married in Ukraine and have lots of babies. I politely declined and said I needed to be getting home as my Guinea pig needed dinner and she worries if I am late. Alina insisted I wait until she threw her bouquet. Now this is a small wedding and there were a whopping 3 women there who were not married. We huddled onto the first floor landing while Alina threw her bouquet from the top of the stair. The other two women leaped for the bouquet while I leaped out of the way. Needless to say, I didn’t catch it. My single hood is secured until my next wedding experience. Although I highly doubt that I will attend a wedding similar to this one.